The Ministry of Motherhood

As a Christian wanting to do the Lord's work, make an eternal impact, see unbelievers come to Christ and abundant living, I have been struggling with what real ministry looks like for, ohh, the whole year so far. Back in January, life dealt me a miscarriage. I wanted it to matter so badly, to become a turning point in my life, I suppose. Not just be "wasted" pain. I was also getting into a study by Beth Moore on the book of James, which is wholly about making this Christian life work. How to live right, how to love others, how to demonstrate this faith. By doing! Beth made a point in her discussions that the Lord will oftentimes lead us to minister where our hearts already.are.!! That ministry isn't a big drag, and we have to go kicking and screaming off to a foreign land. Not that he doesn't sometimes call us to things we may not initially be excited about, but that many times he lets us make a difference where our hearts already thrive.

So in this new found understanding of having faith-THAT-works, coupled with a need for distraction, coupled with (can you couple three things??) a desire to be in the Lord's will, even when it included pain, I began earnestly searching for WHERE GOD WOULD HAVE ME MINISTER! (Not yelling. More like a dah-da-da-dahhhhh! moment.) What do I already have a heart for? What am I interested in? Where is a great need that I can help fill? Where is my heart???!?

Fast forward several months, and I'm pregnant again, chasing 2 precious babies around, still working part-time, and now I have found a place to minister that is SO where my heart is, where a great work of the Lord is being performed, but it's just not working. Then I really start having some serious conversations with the Lord. (And am now studying the book of Nehemiah. Talk about learning power and persistence in prayer.) Did I mention having some serious conversations w/ the Lord back in the spring? Oh, no? Oh maybe that's b/c I did some drive-through prayers about the whole business. After all, I knew my faith should be working, and I knew a great starting place was where my heart already was, and I knew this ministry was making an impact in people's lives for the Lord! Check, check, check...right? Wrong. I had muuuuuch to learn about waiting on the Lord. Muuuuuuuuch. So now when what seems to be right is going all wrong, I finally stepped back and re-evaluated the whole thing. Many of the same questions, but asking then waiting on the Lord to answer them, not filling in the blank for myself.

Again, I'm asking, where is my heart? What am I interested in? Where is a great need? But I'm praying these questions now. Seems silly to not be able to answer your own question about what's in your own heart, huh? "Would not God have discovered it, since he knows the secrets of the heart?" Ps. 43:21 In the midst of, where IS my ministry, I'm also realizing that where I am is NOT my ministry. And I'm feeling like I just need to be at home, with the kids, fully present. For some reason, that doesn't sit too well with me. Don't get me wrong, I love being a mom, and look forward to the day when I can be SAH full time. But I just kept feeling like that's sort of a cop-out when it comes to ministry. "I'm busy w/ the kids. I have too much to do at home. I can't help w/ your such-and-such project right now." I felt like I couldn't just put faith-that-works on hold while I get these kids grown up.

So as I'm continuing my serious prayer about my ministry, whatever that was to look like, I also picked a few friends' brain on the matter, and brought it up not just a few times w/ the darling hubs. I must admit here that even as I was learning to pray and wait, my prayers still went something like this: "This is a good ministry, right Lord?? Can't I make this work? Well, maybe not soooo much time, maybe just every now and then? But this is a good thing!" My wait-on-the-Lord still looked a lot like convince-the-Lord. But through wise counsel and the living and active Scripture, he was giving me a new revelation of what ministry looks like, and the fact that your ministry will not look like mine, which will not look like hers.

The biggest aha! moment for me came when Blaine and I were having (another...) heart-to-heart about my strong desire to be doing the Lord's will, to be making disciples, and how all that would look. It also happened to be late afternoon, so the kids are bouncing off the walls, I'm trying to get supper on the table, etc. You know the drill: Momma, I need a drink. How do you ask? He pushed me! Go play, honey. Babe, Momma's talking w/ Daddy, you need to wait. I'm earnestly telling Blaine "James says pure religion is helping the widows and orphans! We're called to take care of needy people and those that don't know Jesus!" And suddenly, the Spirit opened my eyes. THESE clamoring, climbing little people are NEEDY! And guess what else?!? They don't know Jesus!! Peace washed over me at that instant, and still does every time I think of that revelation. Here was my ministry. Mothering is not a cop-out. It's the purest ministry there is! Meeting physical needs, building a relationship in order to tell them about Jesus!

We're always looking for ways to get our foot in the door, so to speak, in order to share the gospel. How about washing little feet and faces and bodies, while telling them how God created us? Why not use those moments of needed discipline to teach about how we're all sinners? What about "Play with me Momma, read to me Momma, entertain me Momma" to tell Bible stories and sing hymns rich in theology? How about teaching love for others w/ a playdate, and stewardship of our things by cleaning up? Ohhh the multitude of ministry opportunities, when I asked the Spirit to open my eyes to them.

Don't get me wrong. It's a daily, or momentary struggle to not get lost in the "make breakfast, clean breakfast, brush teeth, get dressed, another meal???" shuffle. But when I'm able to change my perspective from "get these tasks done" to "love these needy people" THAT'S ministry. To use a quote that Kelly Minter has in her "Nehemiah" study: "This is good work, and it will only last for a season. That doesn't mean that I close my eyes to the rest of the world; it just means that I need to take this work of raising a family as a serious calling and be faithful in that." That's the ministry of motherhood.

The Rev

(Yes, I'm back. Sorry for the absence...etc, etc...)

Everyone knows how dinnertime goes for a mom of young kids. Fix kids plates, send kids to wash hands, get them up to table. Fix own plate, sometimes hubby's plate, get those to table. Hubby sits down. Forgot my drink, get that to table. Someone's missing a fork. Go get fork. Forgot a milk cup, hubby volunteers to get it. Up and down, back and forth, and the kids are half finished b/f I even sit down. And let's not even mention the temperature of my food by now.....

BUT! As soon as all four of us are seated, Wyatt loudly and persistently reminds us we need to "P'AY! P'AY!" Hands outstretched, eyes are closed, it's time to pray! It used to be ok for Daddy or Momma to bless the meal, but now even after thanks have been voiced, "Ayuht. P'ay!" Then the sweetest baby boy voice says "Deedus, da doo. Pah-bu. Boh-wi. Miel. Ahben!" (In case your toddlerese isn't so fresh, that's "Jesus, thank you for pasta, broccoli and milk. Amen!") Then invariably, Audrey also wants to pray, or maybe just one-up him if he forgot to mention something that was on their plate. ;) Or maybe it's The Rev's insistence that now "Is-sy. P'ay!"

The Rev doesn't just limit his precious prayers to mealtimes either. We were in the van last weekend, when ole Rev pipes up in the middle of Finding Nemo, hands folded, eyes fluttering closed... "Deedus, da boo. Momma. Is-sy. Darr. Boobee. Beh-nee. Ee-an." Ohhh bless him! (And that's, Jesus, thank you for Momma, Sissy, the car, the movie, Mrs. Bethany and Ethan. And no, they weren't w/ us!) What a sweet little spirit. I hope and pray this isn't just a fad or a new trick that he thinks is just for fun. I hope the Lord speaks to his heart at a tender young age to call him to Himself! What a joy, a responsibility to raise The Rev!

Minstry...trying, anyway

First: oops, I fell off my blog again. Sorry, if you've been waiting w/ bated breath for another installment.

The main point: Several months ago, I really felt led to get involved in some type of ministry. Put feet to my faith, if you will. Not faith BY works, but faith THAT works. Since I'm such a baby nut, I thought I would start volunteering at the Crisis Pregnancy Center. They have several different opportunities for clients and for volunteers, and I decided to start off with the HUGS (Helping You Grow Strong) program. Basically, it's an incentive-driven Bible study, that walks the clients through the plan of salvation. I was super excited to be in a place where God would lead young women us, and then allow an opportunity for them to hear life changing news! The divine appointments walk right through the door at this place.

Or so they should anyway...after the application/background check/interview process, I started signing up clients to mentor through the HUGS program 5 weeks ago. I go on Wed. afternoons while my babes are napping. They're good sleepers, so I don't worry about em...kidding! My sweet friend, Bethany comes to sit while they're sleeping. :) So I have now gone 4 weeks with appointments for HUGS, and 4 weeks with not.a.one. showing up. Ever been stood up? 4 times in a row?? Stinks. Needless to say, I'm a bit discouraged at this point. Each week, I pray for the girls that I'm about to meet, and pray that God would give me just what they need that day. And I get mentally prepared to speak the truth in love...and then I have no one to speak to. :(

I'm not giving up though! I'm also now praying just for one of my appointments to show up! I would love to have you praying with and for me as I try to get up and running in this new endeavor. Also, if you're in the LR area, the center could really use more volunteers, esp. Wednesdays, esp. this summer! You can also help out by donating baby items or hosting a "baby shower" for the center. http://www.cpcarkansas.org/ is their website if you're interested.

True wisdom

I've always thought one of my gifts was wisdom. Sounds a little stuck up, I guess, but stay with me. In reality, I've always been an "old soul", which can come across as wise I suppose. Think about it; as a highschool kid, when peers are discussing clothes and boys, and I'm thinking about what I want to do with my whole life. Seems kinda wise, right? Or in college, the basketball guys are thinking as far ahead as their next meal, and I'm writing out their plans of study so they can graduate on time. Wisdom? Ok. But as I've gotten a little more life under my belt (28 whole years of experience...wah wah wahhh), I'm seeing that that stuff I THOUGHT was wisdom, was really just fluff. Big-picture planning. Maybe the gift of administration. Not true wisdom.

Over the past several months, the Lord has been really working on me. It's tough to chip away at the "flesh suit" (as the darling Janet Osborne says) that we're stuck wearing here on earth. But what a joy, knowing that Christ loves me enough to change me to be more like Him. Last semester, I went through "The Mind of Christ" by T.W. Hunt. Woooweee, what a Bible study. If you ever get the chance to go through it, please do. It it a huge commitment, but a huge reward to learn to have the mind of Christ. Side notes. Sorry. Anyway, so this semester I'm going through the book of James with Beth Moore's new study. These 2 studies are a 1-2 punch combo about true wisdom.

First, in ch. 1 of James we have "If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him." Excellent. God will make us wise. But what kind of wise? What does this wisdom look like? Is it "wisdom beyond your years"? That's what I thought I had all this time. What does that even mean, anyway? Maybe "understanding beyond your years" is a better idea there. We know that Solomon asked God for wisdom (1 Kings ch. 3) and it was granted to him. But look at WHY he wanted wisdom. He understood that he was responsible to God for these people, and also understood that he was completely incapable of handling things correctly, apart from God. God granted his desire because it was asked for in humility and in God's will. Ok, so now that we know how to get wisdom, we need to know what it looks like.

Back to James, ch. 3 starting in v. 13. "Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show it by his good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such 'wisdom' does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil. For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peaceloving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness." Ouch. Ouch ouch ouch! Whoa baby. If I ever thought I had an ounce of wisdom, that just went out the window. It's like James is speaking right to me. "Oh really, you think you're wise? Prove it! Ever have envy? Selfish ambition? (Um, yeah.) Those are the furthest things from being wise."

Earthly. Unspiritual. Of the devil?!? Well, ok I know selfishness is a sin, and sin is of the devil, but doesn't that seem kind of harsh? There goes any misnomer about "living in good-land" or "riding the fence". Can't be a little bit wise and a little bit selfish. (Refer back to earlier in ch. 3, v 9ish-12) Ouch again. These things don't promote wisdom of any sort, not even earthly "wisdom". Disorder and evil practices. Help us Lord!

And of course He does! Praise Him for that!! Just when we get (hopefully) grieved over our sinfulness, here comes the good news. Remember Ch. 1? Who lacks wisdom? Ask for it! Because wisdom, like every other good thing is a gift from God. And now we now what it looks like. Pure. Peaceloving. Gentle/considerate. Entreatable/submissive. (Side note: I like the KJV "easy to be intreated", because it's really saying that people can ask things of you, and you're glad to do them) Full of mercy and good fruit. Impartial and sincere. Wow, I have a long way to go before I would consider myself wise.

Pondering all this wisdom stuff in my mind lately, I pulled out my "Mind of Christ" book, knowing we had studied James 3:17. The first part of the lesson really spoke to me last semester, and hit me fresh again when I looked back. Hunt talks about cleansing your mind with God's word, and how a big thing he had to combat was humanism. And this was back in the early 70's! How much more so is humanism ingrained in our brains these days, even in church circles. His definition of humanism is "a capacity for self-realization through reason. It glorifies what man can do apart from God." He says, "My humanistically trained mind wanted to work hard to achieve the virtues." (found in James 3:17 and Gal. 5:22-23). Now if that doesn't speak about me, I don't know what does. I see that I lack wisdom. I ask God for it. I see what it should look like. Then I try realllllly hard to start looking like that picture! How foolish of me. Dang it, as far away from wisdom as I could be again!

I think I need to take it a couple steps back and try a different route: I see that I lack wisdom. I ask God for it. I see what it should look like. I cleanse and fill my mind with God's Word, and I ALLOW him daily access to myself, to chip away the "flesh suit" and fill me with His wisdom. Phew. What a humbling thing to remember how far I have to go to look like Christ. But praise, praise, praise the Lord that he's willing to take me there, if only I will let him! So friends, seek wisdom with me. True wisdom from above. Not just good advice or smart planning. And if I start spooning out some of that old "wisdom", hug me tightly and whisper "pure. peaceloving. gentle. entreatable. merciful. fruitful. impartial. sincere." in my ear as a sweet little reminder of what we're really after.